The missing initiation: Ashrama, adulthood and the psychology of growing up
By Priyanka Lugani
Many traditional cultures contained formal rites of passage into adulthood.
In the ancient Ashrama system, Ashrama Vyavastha, life was divided into four stages:
Brahmacharya: the student stage dedicated to learning, discipline and formation.
Grihastha: the householder stage focused on family, work and contribution to society.
Vanaprastha: withdrawal from worldly ambition and movement towards wisdom.
Sannyasa: complete spiritual renunciation.
The system recognised something modern society often forgets: each phase of life has a purpose, and with it comes a psychological, emotional and philosophical dimension. A child should be allowed to become a student. A student should be allowed to become an adult. An adult should be allowed to mature into wisdom. Development was never meant to occur inside a permanent state of dependence.
In the Ashrama system, from the age of 7, the child became a Brahmacharya. They often left home to study “the path of Brahman” under a teacher. The stage of Brahmacharya would conclude at age 25. Separation from the family was not considered rebellion, it was considered necessary.
Today, many of those developmental structures have weakened. Modern society largely lacks meaningful rites of passage. Without initiation, adulthood becomes ambiguous. A person may earn money, manage employees and raise children while remaining psychologically infantile.
The signs are subtle. An inability to take responsibility. Dependence on parental approval. Emotional reactivity. A tendency to blame others. An expectation that someone else will provide care, comfort or direction. The child still seeks redemption through pleasing the parents. That impulse never entirely disappears, but it must eventually be balanced by personal responsibility.
Without that transition, the adult self remains underdeveloped. And then something curious happens: adult-children begin having children while still psychologically functioning as children themselves. They may become successful professionals. They may marry. They may become mothers and fathers. Yet internally, the developmental work of adulthood remains unfinished. The next generation inherits the consequences.
